Friday, June 18, 2010

Seriously? SERIOUSLY! ... oh, seriously?

Charlie usually has his WBC's during the first 2 weeks
of the month. Mostly around the 
BEGINNING of the month. 
So I was really hoping that this morning 
when I checked my email there 
would be the June WBC.
Of course it wasn't there.
So I was like, 

My plan was to head down to the Arden Mall in 
the early afternoon to check out some sales
and then go across the street to our branch
office and pick up our legals - since
I was told they should arrive on
Friday. I called to verify what time FedEx
normally comes and I was told he had already
come and gone and that my legals weren't there.
Which was SUPER frustrating for me. And I 
was super angry for a good while.
So I was like, 

And then a few hours later I got a phone call
that my legals just arrived and I could come get them.
So I was like, 
oh... seriously?

You know that verse that talks about removing the 'plank' from your own eye? Well that's pretty much me at this point. It's embarrassing to admit, but I kinda think I know what I'm doing in this whole 'adoption thing'. I mean - I adopted domestically, I'm an International adoptee, and I've done a fair amount of 'research' in all the different types of adoption. I 'understand' the 'waiting game' and I think I have a really healthy perspective on it. 

I have even looked at some of the Adoptive Parents in the forums I'm a part of, and thought, 'Wow... I'll never be THAT crazy when I get my referral...' Famous last words, right? Shame on me for ever making such an ignorant, judgmental, and mean spirited comment. 

But the joke's on me as I think I'm literally losing my mind. Seriously! I'm really starting to think that the Adoption gods have created this last portion of the 'journey' (referral to travel) with the sole purpose of screwing with your mind and making you go crazy. For reals. 

I absolutely HATE that I have no control over this next part. And nothing will be 'consistent' and there's nothing I can do about it. There is no definitely timeline that you can follow, and you just have to wait it out and see when your number gets called next. People 'behind' you in line might shoot forwards ahead, or you might get approval before someone who's been waiting 3 months for the same thing. There's just no knowing, and that drives me MAD!

I feel like we have so long to wait to get things approved, but at the same time I feel like the past two weeks have flown by and were wasted since I didn't have my legals. It's the strangest feeling to experience time going too fast and too slow at the same time. The effect that it has on me is that it makes me angry. (I know... not good)

Anyway, I always try to remind myself that during 'trials', it usually means that God is trying to teach you something. So the best thing you can do is to hurry up and 'learn it' so you can get through the trial. I have a feeling this 'trial' has to do with patience. Which is really annoying. I know you can't play 'reverse psychology' on God, but I've really tried to NOT ask for patience because I know it just means that you're going to have to deal with some crazy, frustrating stuff to 'teach' you patience. 

So all I'm going to say, is if someone out there is mad at me, and asked God to give me a lesson in 'patience', I'm really sorry for what ever I've done. And could you please rectify the situation by maybe giving me a lesson in 'joy' because it's been a while since I've received Charlie's last WBC (Well Baby Check up) and I'm starting to get super jealous when others receive theirs. 

See. I told you I'm going crazy.

(I need a piece of chocolate cake.)


mary leigh said...

welcome to the dark side!
all of a sudden you are the crazy lady and aren't sure what happened to your old "normal" self!

Kim said...

It all sounds completely normal to me! I hope the day days get better...when nothing happened during the day, I couldn't wait to go to sleep and wake up the next day to find out what else wouldn't happen that day! I hated the weekends for sure and Monday could never come soon enough because weekdays are when all of it happens! I am NOT patient and I am ALWAYS in control, so the adoption wait for me was excrutiating! Prayin' for ya sister! (I thought that too on the Holt BB thinking "you people crazy!" but it ALL happened to me too) :)

Kmoana said...

Love this post, Rachel, I can totally relate. I told myself I was gonna be all "cool" and calm and very zen with this whole process. Reality: I am the crazy lady you made fun of :) ha ha

Paula Sloan said...

Oh, I can totally relate too. My goal was for our hs to be sent in by Friday (yesterday), well, she is still writing and decided to take Friday AND Monday off to spend time with some family out of town. I mean, like she has no right to have a life right now: I'm trying to get my baby home! ARG!!! I've totally turned into the crazy lady too. I hope you get your WBC soon, but I am thrilled you got your legals! WOO HOO!

Kimberly and Ed said...

I think the lost of control during this time is what makes us crazy. I remember I was on a emotional roller coaster during our 6+month wait for the TC. I also turned to a lot of chocolate and BOF to help me! Remember that you can call me anytime you need to vent or just need a friend to talk to:-)

Ellen said...

I am not there but I can understand...everyone says "The wait must be so hard" I tell them that I think this part is probably easy...I can't imagine how hard it will be once I see her picture.

Praying for you to have Joy and Grace for this time of waiting :)

JimandJackie said...

Oh my...the journey to TC, everyday I just made it my goal to survive. I too thought I would remain sane. I plan to next time..haha. I love that you turn to the KDramas :)

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