Thursday, April 8, 2010

It's been just over a month...

... since we've been 'officially' waiting. And I must say, it hasn't been too bad. When we were going through the adoption process with Claire I remember the wait stunk. I would literally pray daily that God would help me keep my focus... which was that I wanted to be able to look back at my 'journey' and be able to say that it was not wasted being depressed, or anxious, or full of complaints. I'm happy to say that I mostly achieved that goal (but no-one's perfect, right?!)

This time is different. In some cases, I actually forget that I'm waiting. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. I mean, of course I know that any day the phone could ring and instantly it could turn into that magical moment known as 'the call', but I'm not anticipating that every time the phone rings, that it's going to happen. Which is actually REALLY nice. 

(this is not my baby, but a stock photo)

But I will say that I am definitely looking forward to having a new little baby around - and a BOY at that! It does still kind of freak me out a little (since having a girl is all I know) but I'm really excited nonetheless.

And even though this is all fun and happy to think about, there is a more 'serious' side that I've been thinking about lately too. On the adoption forums that I'm a part of, the topic of 'attachment' has been discussed in great length. And if I'm being completely honest, it scares me a bit. My mom told me that my sister and I never went through any major 'adjustment period' when we came home. So I guess in my naive brain, I kinda just thought that's how it was for everyone - which is SO not true. There's alot of good food for thought in that forum, and some websites and books that I'll probably pick up, because I'm starting to think that I really need to prepare myself for whatever may come. 

I think another contributing factor to my apprehension, was that earlier today I was blog hopping through all the adoption blogs I read and I came across a video that some adoptive parents had posted of their daughter when they first got her. It was a short video that was taken at night, and showed how their daughter was crying inconsolably - she was grieving. And oh, how it completely broke my heart. In fact, as soon as the video ended, I just sat and cried. 

So while there will be some difficult times ahead, I know the 'good' will outweigh the 'bad', and I'm certainly looking forward to experiencing it all. 


Ellen said...

The attachment stuff can be pretty scary...for one of our education credits I read a book (which our agency has now removed from their recommended book list),that was absolutely horrible! It is one thing to be prepared and another to expect the sky to fall everyday!

Know that all we can do is try to educate ourselves with good information and pray alot :) I know it will be so hard to see our babies struggle, but God won't bring us more than He can help us to bear!

Take care and don't let it worry you too much!

Kimberly and Ed said...

"the 'good' will outweigh the 'bad'" - yes it will! We have had some tough days but just this morning I woke up to two cute brown eyes looking at me and his cute little fingers touching my face.

I totally recommend the Cogen book. It is a great resource and was recommended by my social worker at one of our parenting classes.

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