Thursday, November 4, 2010

It gets better... right?

Today was just one of those days where you just question everything.

Charlie is doing really well with his transition.

... at least I THINK so ...

but I'm just starting to second guess everything. 

he'll come to me
(but if I purposely hold out my arms to him - sometimes he won't)

he'll make eye contact with me
(but how much is he SUPPOSED to be? he doesn't stare at me for long periods)

he doesn't like the carrier anymore
(should I be 'forcing' him to? should I be carrying him in it every day? he just wants to walk)

and then there's Claire.

she's throwing fits quite a bit
she doesn't want to share
she tries to 'block' him from touching ... well, everything

... and I worry that she'll end up resenting him ...
... that she'll end up resenting me ...
... will our relationship ever be what is once was ...
... because I feel like that has totally changed ...
... and not for the better ....

and it just makes me tired. and kind of sad.

I know it's only one day
 and it's only been two and half weeks

but it's still hard.

so any advice you have, I'd be more than happy to hear
(I seem to be asking for that a lot lately)


Karen said...

Yes, it will get better. Kate throws fits all. the. time. She will say, "I got in trouble." "What for?" "For throwing a fit!" Just in the last few weeks it has gotten worse. The other day at Target it was a scene because she was refusing to get in the buggy. But I was not chasing her around the store. The fits are pretty intense, too. Oh, and then the other day when we had to leave the playground at church/preschool. One of the office people actually came outside and said, "Is everything OK?" Nice.

Hope today is better! For you and fore me. :o)

Walker Family said...

Hi! I'm Sarah. I'm coming over from the Holt Korea message board. Let me start off by saying I've been following your blog since right before you went to pick up Charlie. I loved reading about your adventures in Korea and have really enjoyed your insight and humor! I've learned a lot! This is our first adoption...we do have three bio kids at home (4,3 and 5 months).

I want to encourage you that it does get easier having more than one kid. I will say though, that I had a hard time going from one kid to two. One is pretty easy. You can give them your full, undivided attention. Then, another baby comes along and you're outnumbered during the day! It's an adjustment for everyone. In the long run, your kids will be crazy about each other and will enjoy having someone to play with. Also, it's good for them to know the world doesn't revolve completely around them. Know what I mean? But I completely understand where you're coming from. I've been there! It WILL get better. In time. :)

Paula Sloan said...

It DOES get better. This is adjustment for every one of you! Claire will come around regarding Charlie. Charlie is in that independent stage, so of course he wants to walk. You are a great mom! Have a little chat with Claire while Charlie's napping and tell her she's a great big sister and you know how she's feeling right now. Talk about sharing and helping Charlie. Make her feel "responsible" for him in some ways; give her a "job" she can do regarding Charlie. She'll be proud for helping with him. She'll come around. She will. I remember those days when I brought Andrew home. Robert asked once "when are we taking him back?" It gets better!!! Praying for all of you!

Lacey B. said...

Welcome to the world of two ;) You skipped right to the toddler stage that we are at right now too. Chase is all over the place with loving his siblings or being a total pain in the rear. You are doing an amazing job Rachel! My only advice is to really amp it up when Claire does something nice for Charlie. Whenever Seth is nice to his brother and sister I make a big deal out of it and I can see how proud he gets. I think it makes him want to do it more. Hang in there Mama!

Sarah Moulton said...

Hang in there Rachel, like you said it's only been two weeks and this is your first week all by yourself! That is bound to be rough. Plus if you are tired everything is worse so when I have a rough day I try to make sure I get recharge time so the next day at least starts better.
I think kids fight regardless of who they are. I would think it is harder for Claire because she got a brother who can already take her stuff but my kids fight over all kinds of stuff! They are always fighting over toys!! Now a lot of times Allie just wants them because Wills has them. Super annoying. There are also certain toys (like 3) I don't make Wills share, those are his, and if Allie plays with them and he wants them I make her give them back. Yesterday my kids were screaming at eachother in the car because Allie wouldn't share... it was a long drive and ended with some serious discipline when we got home :(
Charlie seemed like he was doing fabulous when I got to see him. I don't know much about adoption and everything but from my perspective he seemed great!!! He seemed really comfy with you guys and like he was already part of the family he belonged in.
oh the walking carrier thing also sounds normal. of course he wants to walk. I think if you need him to be in it he goes in otherwise I wouldn't force it. Maybe you can find something he hates less. Does he like the stroller?
I think Claire is going to be fine. If you are concerned about your relationship maybe you can go on a "date" with just her so you know she knows you love her.

mom said...

Hi, I am Kelli Gorsh's mom and I have been following your precious blog way before Charlie came into your life and I want you to know what a blessing you have been to me. You are a great mom and all the frustrations you are having every mom has with every child. It is just their age and adjusting to a new brother or sister. Hang in there you are doing great and they will be the best of friends very soon.

Jineui said...

Hang in there Rachel. You've only been home a couple of weeks and it just takes time. It took Olivia weeks to even let me hold her, so your way ahead of the game. I can only imagine how hard this is on Claire and on you..but give yourself a break and see how awesome the kids are doing and be proud of the family you are creating!

Emily said...

Hi! I love following your blog....I don't leave comments very often but reading this post reminded me so much of where I was at two weeks home (and where i still am some days). We don't have any other children, so i can't comment on the transition to two kiddos, but I can tell you I can't imagine two kiddos yet! I second guess everything I do for Emma, scared to death I am going to mess up her attachment or mine, or scar her for life. When she cries out from the crib at night I wonder how long of crying is too long, did I wait too long to go check on her, did I go too soon and sabotage our sleep, will she stop trusting me, does she even trust me to start with? It does get better. I started to see an improvement around one month home. I wish I had some groundbreaking advice for you, but all I could do was wake up every morning, survive hour to hour until bedtime, and try to remind myself of the progress we are making, no matter how small it seems. Prayers, aren't alone.

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